how to deal

how do i deal with this?
this feeling that rises up my throat
engulfing my consciousness
and drowning my heart

here's to my first heartbreak!

moving forward

Because of you, in gardens of blossoming flowers I ache from the
perfumes of spring.
I have forgotten your face, I no longer remember your hands;
how did your [shoulders] feel on mine?
Because of you, I love the white statues drowsing in the parks,
the white statues that have neither voice nor sight.
I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice; I have forgotten
your eyes.
Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to my vague memory of
you. I live with pain that is like a wound; if you touch me, you will
do me irreparable harm.
Your caresses enfold me, like climbing vines on melancholy walls.
I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to glimpse you in every
window.
Because of you, the heady perfumes of summer pain me; because
of you, I again seek out the signs that precipitate desires: shooting
stars, falling objects.

-Pablo Neruda

hurting

numbness

temporal dislocation

What happens to your car when you step on the accelerator while hitting the brakes at the same time? Whatever the result is, i feel that my mind is going to be the product of such warping of space and energy.

I long for the quick passage of time. Freedom beckons en el fin del año. There are many promising things that await beyond the horizon, and each step towards it invites a haunting from the specter of anticipation. Anticipation that slowly creeps into my soul and inches its way to my salvation/destruction.

Yet I am here, hoping that I have more time to spare. But more accurately, wishing that I have more time. More time to get to know the person whose eyes glimmer back at me beyond the looking glass. This reflection (or refraction) of reality that bumped into my personage through an unanticipated circumstance has clearly caught my attention.

I find myself more and more enthralled at the bending of light while blinded by it at the same time. More and more, I find myself locked in a daydream of sorts imagining the limit/less possibilities given better chances. Time stops when I slip into one of those infinitesimal daydreams. Temporal dislocation; how I wish I could make reality bend to accommodate certain parameters into OUR lives.

The intertwining of vines, very much like the intertwining of paths - both a boon and a bane. I relish every juncture, every geometric alignment that allow for convergence. The convergence of light that permit souls to merge and complement our im/perfections.