TAG!

Got this from Maita...

"... That was an interesting exercise. You guys should try it! I'm tagging: RT, Anina, Larry, Bobby, Jeline, Naya, Kuya, Manong, Wanda, Maf, Yol, Ramon, Aaron, RC, Janssen, Annette, Trinka and Gem. If I missed someone it's not on purpose!!"

de Beyond the Sunrise

Random List for 30 September - 1 October

(1) I cant believe I'm sitting in front of a computer 10 minutes to Octoberfest.

(2) I miss my mom who's in Toronto right now, probably thinking about when my some of our relatives will relieve her of her loneliness.

(3) I have no idea how to do my papers for my classes right now. I'm too busy thinking about how little time I have for most of the things that I have to do.

(4) Photocopying more than a hundred pages is certainly not a pleasure cruise. I tried photocopying and it ended up... well... messy. Hail to the xerox ladies of the library!

(5) I miss my old gang from my old school

(6) Quite excited about what my boss told me a while ago... I'm being extended until her term expires... Yippie!

(7) I will treat myself to a relaxing spa treatment tomorrow! Just received an unexpected bonus from the office today! And it's not Cake! hahahaha!

(8) Its raining hard tonight and I dont know how to get home. I'm supposed to be in Xaymaca with some friends to watch Brownman Revival... pass, besides... I'm too tired.

(9) I am officially bored.

(10) Getting irritated with the guys here in Netopia telling me to wrap it up while I'm still at number 10. grrr.

(11) I long to be relevant. I am so, so tempted to go mainstream now. I want to do 'practicable' research... I shall enslave myself to the republic.

(12) I have to continue this tomorrow... unfortunately.

---

(13) I am about to have a full body massage in 15 minutes. I have been craving for some back-work since July, and finally, I will get what I want.

(14) Will be treating my grand-mama to a movie/lunch date tomorrow. Perhaps in Shangri-la. Green Tomato? Pasta!!! Yes! What to watch? Perhaps Cineuropa... or some old sleazy hollywood film... whatever... just gonna give her a time out, i suppose.

(15) Ma's birthday is coming soon. October 6, and I'm gonna send her a card... I expect some tears. hahaha!

(16) I honestly dont know what I will do after I finish this degree. The prospect of hanging a bit in the ivory tower is quite attractive and... well, boring. Perhaps some NGO work? some more? I'll try it in a Southern NGO after I finish my term with the Germans.

(17) Walden hasn't sent his final exam yet. He was supposed to email it yesterday and not a word has come from the Guru. What I'd do to know what the exam contents are ahead.

(18) I'm quite excited about Monday... 1st, its my last day for this semester. 2nd, Nicola Strazzari will be serving Italian food for the class. We kinda coerced him to do so. Authentic Italian cuisine weeks apart.

(19) Perhaps I should treat my grandma to Gelato in Pagliacci? 2 scoops cost around 150 buckeroos... but hell... it's delish!

(20) I hope RR and Jac send out the photos soon. Also, I miss a lot of people. I miss the old times. But change is good.

Separations and Boundaries

A former classmate posted in his Friendster bulletin:

Damn Changes
Message: I was thinking of how many things have changed in
the past year. How my friends are now in places
that once they have aspired to be in. How so many
relationships and alliances have been created,
broken, and in many cases, simply vanished in thin
air. I still wonder why some people and some
things change. Yes, indeed, we are the sons and
daughters of misery and change. However, no one
seems to have taught us the 'how-to's' of being a
part of the whole and a hole in the parts of so
many things that circumstances create and destroy
in our time. Damn change. It is a blessing and a
curse. A blessing for those who are sick of the
stagnation of the circumstances and the malignancy
of relationships. A curse to those who finds
meaning in the 'now' and triviality in the 'what
now?' There are things that have been said. Many
books have been read. Many shits have
been 'shitted.' Well, all i know is that in my book,
change is necessary to make way for two things:
enlightenment (not the philosophical bullshit) and
happiness.

He's caught my sentiments exactly... well, not exactly...
on old friendships being broken, reforged, recast as "new" alliances being formed.

I slipped back into wonderland last Friday as the coup de grace of our Sexual Politics class with the mighty benedicto. We found ourselves in the Mad Hatter's tea house, right next to the Queen's court. I saw an old friend who was not able to recall my name. I was not surprised. I want to relish the company of the other guys, but i'm not sure if I'd fit in again. There are certain things that I do not want to bring back... too much pain. Though I'm not forgetting the good times. When the gang was all drunk and only three were able to stand up... Thanks to the combination of Vodka and Gin that night!

---

I feel like a blacksmith, reforging old things albeit with fire and a lot of fury and pain. I kinda have to take this really... really do. I'll have to in the future if I dont have it done now anyway.

Old friends have torn away from me. Ambivalence is his furnace... Certainly, the old tie that binded us is gone now, save for the occassional YM encounters. Perhaps this is for the better. Having my own axis to follow may not be a bad thing after all. I just can't take the ambivalence... This love-hate thing...

Even a fellow student asked me off-hand, "what's up with *beep*?" I said that I dont really know and... , I couldn't do much about it anyway. We do, after all, have our own lives. All I can say about it is... sayang.

---

The FES Regional Conference on Corruption had been implemented as scheduled. I attended the Welcome Dinner for the international participants at this posh/spanking Italian restaurant in The Podium called Pagliacci. The dinner was absolutely fantastic. I savoured every bit of it and enjoyed the gelato very much. The conference lasted for 2 days.

At the Dinner reception, it was like a reunion of sorts for familiar faces. We had Akbayan! in full force, with Etta, Risa, and Mayong all rubbing elbows with (mostly opposition) parliamentarians from Southeast Asia. Jovito Salonga was there to deliver the keynote address.

Earlier, I chatted with Etta Rosales regarding her talk. Among all the lectures delivered on the matter, hers was probably the most enjoyable. It was full of zest, it was edgy and fun. I told her this and she laughed hilariously and told me that she had to 'perform' the bit well because of the nature of the conference which was, well, boring.

Mayong Aguja and I exchanged notes on Mindanao, him being from General Santos, and my family originating from Cotabato City. Apparently we had some few relatives who knew each other. talk about small world.

---

The guys from FEs and I chatted during dinner with this guy from CIDA, AusAID and some MPs from Indonesia. We were all laughing as Gus was suggesting that we merge the Philippines and Indonesia together to form a new country called "Philinesia." The first order of business would be the annexation of Singapore where all Filinesians would come to Singapore and piss at the same time, thereby eliminating the puny city-state. Also another plan was floated that all the peoples of Philinesia would come to Singapore and bring with them at least a bag of trash. That would certainly leave the poor old spoiled Singaporeans fuming mad at their government leading to a revolution to oust their current technocratic government. It was a very funny dinner.

Perhaps the highlight of this was that I got to stay at the Discovery Suites for 3 days and 2 nights. Quite enjoyable and refreshing. A break from the hectic life from Ateneo and from the house.

Craving

I crave for something... like chocolate. For five days I have been avoiding pork and craving for vegetables. I went to The Podium with Anja and we bought salad from Subway and munched away in the office pantry. It was absolutely wonderful.

Now, I'm craving for loads of chocolate... white, black, milk choco...

And I'm craving not just for chocolate... I'm craving for $%^&(%*#^$@#$...

wait, that didn't come out right... I'm craving for... %#&%(^*)&#$#%$&//

hmm... well, just ask me.

N.B. Its not really craving for... it's more of... desire. ;p

Finalmente

Two classes ended this week. Friday was a bang. Next week, another's gonna end. I am thus left with a stupid european who teaches what he says is the "politics" of the international monetary system. Damn it, what a waste of money. I should have taken Luis David's Foucault course. Although I must admit that I have learned some things that I would otherwise not know of with my selection of my courses.

I should probably start doing my papers for the courses...

Blog me! (part 2)

Enter the Brownman: A group of reggae demi-gods. Dino, the lead, is taking a course in my school with the Socio-Anthro Department.






A North-South Encounter

Some thoughts

a few quotes here and there...

and some thoughts...
---
Bhabba, Homi. (1994) The Location of Culture. New York: Routledge.

Are we trapped ... where the socal representations of social antagonisms and historical contradictions can take no other form than [binary oppositions]?
---
I feel the tension... in a foucauldian sense; that power (to articulate it as Deleuze has) is the relation between forces. I feel the tension. I am in yet I am an outsider. I am being pulled by [opposing] forces. I really don't know where to situate myself. Is there even a place to situate myself.

No, I'm not depressed, pissed or anything... I'm worse... I think I'm starting to feel ambivalent, yet I'm not. Ambivalence is actually worse than hatred or anger. It makes the worse of people. I hope this passes.

Even worse, I feel that people are indeed becoming more ambivalent towards me. Especially in America. I don't know how to be relevant. Sometimes, I feel like I'm fooling myself. What's a master's degree gonna land me in anyway.

Of late, I do not know where to find myself anymore. I've been exploring Wonderland... trying how I'm to re[-]interface with the world. The antiseptic world of my ol' American university is great, I must make that clear. But I find myself not knowing if indeed I'm in or out. While its jazzy and cool to be in the margins and all that, I feel like I'm perpetually flogging myself with the tensions.

There are some promising things... but I'd like to peak, once more, through the looking-glass and see the Wonderland one more time.

or perhaps this is all just me rambling, and in which case, someone, anyone... wake me up.

Blog Me!

And to think that I nearly did not come to Xaymaca that night...

Friday, 1030PM 16 Sept @ Xaymaca 71 Timog Ave., Q.C.

It was a cool evening. The rain didn't stop until around 830PM. I stayed in the library until nine in the evening. Did some marathon blog-posting (see below).

I made it to Xaymaca after a very long walk. I actually didn't know where it was exactly; what I knew (thanks to clickthecity.com) was the address which is listed above. I didn't expect that there would be a huge crowd in the bar. Neither did i think that it was a very small place.

The bar was packed. In fact, we were defying the laws of physics (that matter can not occupy the same space at the same time). I found Joanne, Anja and her other friend named Eva at the back of the bar which they've opened due to the persistent rains.

--more to come.

articulating the traces of a tree

Google my last name and here are some of the excerpts you'll find:

Note: Dangzalans in the world are VERY VERY rare... most of them are relatives if they trace their roots to the Pangasinan-Ilocos corridor.

---

Apolonia Dangzalan: Filipina Businesswoman, Watsonville, California, 1896-1992
This oral history provides rare primary documentation of the history of Filipino immigration in California from a female perspective. Dangzalan was born in February 1896 on the largest of the Philippine islands. In 1927, she joined her nephew in Watsonville and opened a boarding house for Filipino agricultural workers on Bridge Street, where she became known as "Mama" Dangzalan. She also opened another boarding house on Salinas Road in 1930. Dangzalan served as a labor contractor, hiring men to work in the Gary Company's fields and was one of very few women engaged in labor contracting. She also opened a liquor store, dance club, and pool hall on Main Street in Watsonville in 1936. During World War II, she owned a house of prostitution on Union Street in Watsonville. In 1950, Dangzalan went into business for herself as a farmer, primarily growing strawberries. She died in 1992, at the age of 96.

---

We Remember With Love
Those Babies We Can Only Hold In Our Hearts


This page is dedicated to those babies that we can hold only in our hearts ... those babies we cherish through shared experiences ... those babies others can cherish through shared memories.

This memorial is offered to the more than 50 million users of the Internet, to bring home the reality of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and Other Infant Death. If you would like to submit a baby's name or add a memorial to a baby already listed, please use the form linked to this page.

...

Dangzalan, Adam

Son of Jennifer & Deric Dangzalan. Donations from Ron Witherspoon, Inc., Judith & Richard Zscheile, Catherine Land, Violet & Dale Gray, Scrap It, Sandra Warren, Claire & Kent Thompson, Marlene Laurila, Leslie Thompson, Lisa Wolverton, Lee Dantzler, and Judy Benson.


[it's sad... i chatted with this cousin of mine (Deric Dangzalan, we found each other through ICQ)]

ADAM C. DANGZALAN
Services will be Monday for Adam Dangzalan who passed away suddenly at Packard Children’s Hospital on April 20, 2004. He was 4 months old.

Baby Adam was a gift and a blessing, and is now an Angel, looking down onto his parents and brother with love and protection. For the 4 months we were blessed with his presence he brought love, joy and companionship that will be with us forever. While doctors cannot explain the events that led to his passing, we have to remember that some things in this world are beyond science; beyond machines….Beyond explanation. For us, Baby Adam continues to warm our hearts and gives us reason to continue our own lives. Forever in our hearts Adam, We love you.

He is survived by his parents, Deric and Jennifer Dangzalan; his brother, Nathan Dangzalan; grandparents, Simon and Carol Dangzalan of Santa Cruz and Paul and Dawn White of Walnut Grove; great grandparents, Sal and Trini Celebrado; uncles and aunt, Dion and Branka Dangzalan and Dawn and Mike Fish and Gary White.; his great aunts and uncles including Josie, Donnie, Arlene, Maria, Dante, Theresa, Noel, Eddie, Mike, Cathy, Dennis, Don and Phyllis; cousins, Zachary, Hailey, Terri, Ken, Isaiah, Felecia, Jamila, Marcel, Jonathan, Jona, and Brandy. He is also survived by a loving extended family.

A Mass of Christian burial will be celebrated at Holy Cross Catholic Church, 126 High St, Santa Cruz, CA, Monday April 26, 2004 beginning at 2:00 p.m. Arrangements are under the direction of Benito & Azzaro Pacific Gardens Chapel 1050 Cayuga St, Santa Cruz. Interment will be in Holy Cross Cemetery, Santa Cruz, CA.

Floral remembrances may be sent to Pacific Gardens Chapel 1050 Cayuga St, Santa Cruz, CA 95062 or contributions may be made to the SIDS Network, P.O. Box 520 Ledyard, CT 06339.



---

Name: Dion Dangzalan
AKA: D
Born: 3-31-75
Riding Since: 1992
Rider/Racer Schools: MSF
Rider/Racer Orgs: BARF
Website: Current Bike/s: 2001 Suzuki SV650S
Past Bike/s: Honda Passport (70cc), 1999 GSX-R 750 (R.I.P), 2001 Suzuki Marauder
Dream Bike: Valentino Rossi's RC211V
Bike Mods: Jim Stewart Pre-load Adjusters, Progressive Suspension Inc. Fork Springs, Rear '99 Gixxer Shock, 2wheeljunkie fender eliminator, Pro-Tek 14T sprocket, Fast Lap peg bracket plates, Aluminum Exhaust Bracket (no passengers), and a bunch of aftermarket LP squidly-type stuff (pegs, indicators, etc.)

---

Note: As a public outreach effort, over 1 million names were collected and placed on the STARDUST spacecraft,which will visit Comet Wild 2 in 2004. See here for more details.

"What is the purpose of sending names into space?

Placing the names onto the STARDUST spacecraft was a public outreach effort. It allowed people to be personally involved with the STARDUST Mission and helps to promote public interest, awareness and support of the space program. It also provided a way to honor individuals by enabling them to be associated with mankind's most advanced technological endeavor and to be "

DOROTHY H DANGUTIS
JOHN P DANGUTIS
LISA M DANGUTIS
WILLIAM D DANGUTIS
CHERYLL B DANGZALAN
DANH
EURIE I DANH
RICHARD T DANHAUER
TERESE DANHOFF
LANCE DANI DANI LANCE

---

Moi: Recidivist-Activist

(Taken from: http://www.cyberdyaryo.com/features/f2001_0716_02.htm)

WHAT is the life of a typical student today? Because of the worsening economic crisis, today's youth have found that their right to education must compete with other basic priorities like food and shelter.

[...]

"This is our future under the new Arroyo government," said Janssen Dangzalan. "We do not want this future."

[...]

Janssen Dangzalan of the Movement for the Advancement of Student Power, who read the group's statement of unity, called attention to dwindling state subsidy for state-run institutions, pointing out that this year, government support decreased by 2.7 per cent compared to last year.

[...]

Specifically, Youth SONA called on the government to increase its budget allocation for education, stop the privatization of state colleges and universities, scrap Section 42 of Education Act of 1982, ensure employment and job security, and abolish ROTC.

-end of quote-

Haunting / Hailing

Like an old dictator, I want to go into exile.

Crash: Encounter Narratives from Wonderland

(Joanne, if you're reading this, please forgive me for copying your picture... it's just that I relate to this a lot)

I'm always asked by people, "After you finish your [MA], what do you plan to do?" To which I always quip, "I have no idea!" Right now, I'm forced to make myself relevant in a fashion that would be "sort of" aligned with my politics.

I've been asked, "Do you plan on going back to [a university in Manila] to teach [your old major]?" To which I reply with a "not in the immediate future. In fact, if I'm gonna try to teach it, I may not teach it there." I think I may try teaching something [there], that people may not have imagined me to be teaching. But that's not really a problem for me.



A Philosophy professor asks if I'm already doing my Ph.D. Of course I'm not. I'm still doing my Masters... after which, I think I may not immediately try finding the Program for Ph.D. that I will be taking. I need to learn more before I do Ph.D.

They ask me, "what is your MA in anyway? / What's your major?" To which I replied... "I don't know what I'm majoring in anymore."

This, perhaps, is the 'truest' statement I've said in more than a year.

Desiring Wonderland

Time: 12:00 PM
Location: Office Pantry

Having lunch with some of the staff, when Anja started unloading a big brown bag full of cake slices. The cakes were very tempting. Each of them were calling me. They were saying, "eat me! eat me!"

So I ate them.

I found myself riding a bus. Scribbles written on the backseat cover of the bus read "Viva CPP-NPA-NDF!" I drowned myself with carribean mush. Status: trance. Reggae with a bit of Bossa Nova#@$^$%

I was forced out of the bus, I found myself with a familiar face while walking down the dreary streets of Manila. Dreary and familiar. Familiar... desirable.

Relevance

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I want to be a successful [relevant],

How do you plan on becoming a [relevant]?

By studying a [relevant] course in a [relevant] university?


I long to be relevant but not to the point that I will have to compromise some of my tenets... my principles. The forking road... to many possibilities, ah, what to do.

[Trans]formation, [R]evolution

My politics is showing...

"If money impacts heavily upon ... domestic ... political processes, there should be no illusions as to where the bulk of the power in decisionmaking ... is likely to continue to rest - that is, with those ... firms and organizations that are economically (and, it must be added, militarily) the strongest."

Contesting from the margins is really hard. A transient activist such as me would say that the picture really looks terrible most of the time... trying to overcome the odds which are towering and monolithic. But of course they're not, and it's where a critical mind would be needed to reveal the instabilities of the adversary.

I have not given up on the fight for a better country. Sounds romantic, idealistic. I am very much for the call for a Transitional Revolutionary Government, of putting up a developmental state that has the balls to counter the demands of the IMF-WB diktat. I am for the dissolution of the elite democracy that we have. We have had the elite reigning for more than a hundred years. I think its about time that less-self-interested people come into power, whether through peaceful or Other means.

GAME: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

This is a tough one... it took me an hour to spot the difference so keep your eyes open!




Enjoy peeps!

on Fears and Cheers and Goodbyes

I am afraid. I'm not VERY afraid. Just two days before the foundation sends their responses to the applications for the conference. And I had to hear it from the staff: "Marami ang nag-submit ngayon..." Which prompted me to align my paper to the 'wants' of the panel-reviewer-in-charge... Miriam Ferrer. I'm not really a neo-institutionalist. What I intend then is to sort of mimic Abinales' spectacular book "Making Mindanao" to juxtapose all that constipated shit coming "from an historical-institutionalist" perspective with, perhaps, postcolonial and Foucauldian discourse analysis.

ASIDE - I am starting to fall in love with Michel Foucault. He is, to quote a colleague, "uber hot." It is only now that I'm really starting to delve into his more 'quirky' works... and I hope I get to understand them. So far, I've got under my belt: Discipline and Punish, The History of Sexuality. I'm currently perusing through his main works... I intend to read The Archaeology of Knowledge when I'm done re-reading Sexuality.

Oh well, whatever happens in the next few days, I just hope that I get to publish soon. FES would be the key, as I see it. I'm gonna force the participants to produce good texts so we can have it published by November before Beate and Heinz departs. Though 'young progressives' is not really my cup-of-tea... but, since I am part of the 'young progressives' as Beate mentioned, I suppose I could tweak in a bit of my old soc-dem/socialist 'roots' to reflect a bit of orange-red in my texts.

On a happy/sadder note, Maita and I crossed paths, perhaps, for the last time in this third-world academic life of mine. It's really sad... at the same time, it was happy... A bittersweet encounter. I told her that we might see each other on December... which I'm really hoping for. I want to get out of this country... even for just a while. It's not that I hate my country, it's just that I need a vacation from my third-world self. (happier note: I got Maita's Cammack reads! I just love the guy. The way he writes: very entertaining - Maita appreciates Cammack's clarity, which I do too.)

Excerpts:

While I wont pretend that we're really-really close chums, nor will I imply it...

"I'm gonna miss you..."

"I'm gonna miss you too... you take care!"

"I will and you too... hopefully, see you in December."

I hate goodbyes.

:_(